Good Friday Reflections

I love this illustration by C.S. Lewis. I hope the Lord will use it to speak to your heart.

(summary by Jake Rainwater)

“In the midst of all of the wonderful storytelling that is The Chronicles of Narnia, one scene from The Voyage of the Dawn Treader has done more to help my understanding of what it means to follow Christ than any sermon, book, or class that I have ever taken.

The scene involves Eustace, a nasty little boy whom everyone hates. Eustace is selfish, mean, quick-tempered, and positively horrific in his treatment of other people (which sounds a lot like me sometimes). Despite this, Eustace finds himself on a ship in the magical land of Narnia. While on this adventure, the crew of the Dawn Treader dock on an island, and Eustace wanders into a cave filled with treasure. Eustace immediately decides that this treasure will make him rich, and with his newfound power he will seek revenge on any and everyone who has ever slighted him.

What Eustace does not realize is that the treasure is actually the hoard of a dragon (which all treasures in caves are -- come on, Eustace; read a book!). He falls asleep on the treasure and wakes up to find himself transformed into a horrific dragon. Immediately the gravity of the situation is made evident to him. He cannot go back to the ship. He will be left on the island all by himself to live out his days as a terrible monster with a treasure that is utterly useless.

Eventually, the great king of Narnia, Aslan the Lion, appears (as Aslan is apt to do) and leads Eustace to a pool of clean water where he orders him to strip down and jump in. Eustace realizes that Aslan means for him to shed his dragon skin, and begins to scratch off the scales. To his horror, he realizes that there is nothing but more dragon skin underneath. Aslan eventually tells the boy that he must be allowed to dig even deeper. Eustace later recounts to the crew what exactly happened:

I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now… The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt…Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off- just as I thought I’d done it myself the other three times, only they hadn’t hurt- and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobby-looking than the others had been… Then he caught hold of me…and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment…Then I saw…I’d been turned into a boy again.” (by Jake Rainwater on Gospel-Centered Resources for Midwestern Seminary)

I’ll return to this analogy in a second…

Three nights ago, I simply lost it. After the kids were in bed, I sat in the floor and poured out my not-so-pretty heart to Paul.

Our family had just experienced an amazing spring break at the beach where my son finally decided to start calling us mom and dad, we were relaxed and carefree, and we were feeling good about where our family was. Then this week hit HARD. Melt-down after melt-down… after trauma response…after trauma response…hour after hour….mean word after mean word (on everyone’s part). Through it all, I had not been very patient, kind, or compassionate. I was mad. I was mad at my kids, and I was mad at myself. By Wednesday night I was done for. Where was all of that progress we had been seeing? Why were we back here at these epic meltdowns? What was I doing wrong? How could I fix this? Why did I keep losing my cool? Why can’t I just remain calm and speak to them the way our therapist and every adoption book I’ve ever read tells me to?

As I poured out my heart to Paul, I couldn’t even believe what I was saying. “I feel like this year I’ve become a terrible person. I used to have everything together and be a good person, and now it feels like I am just terrible at life. I don’t know how to parent them...I don’t know how to fix this.”

Paul reminded me of the gospel when I couldn’t remember it/believe it for myself. He reminded me that Jesus’s plan for my life doesn’t include making me feel good about my accomplishments and how well I can keep everything going. Jesus wants me to see the reality of my dark and sinful heart. He wants me to see that even in my best moments when I am remaining calm and using all of those “buzz words” with my kids, (Ex: insert calm voice: “Honey, I can not let you do that because I have to keep you safe…. I am waiting for you to tell me where your homework is, and when you are ready let me know….Take a little bit to calm down and then come let me know when you are ready to talk….”) I STILL have a sinful heart. I STILL need Jesus’s strength, words, peace, patience, and kindness. You see, sometimes I can “get it right” on the outside and on the inside, feel really good about my accomplishments. Not realizing that God doesn’t want me to clean the outside of the cup. HE wants me to allow/ask HIM to clean the INSIDE of the cup. (He is way more interested in my heart than in my words…granted they usually go together…but not always.)

So, that’s why I have been thinking about the analogy of good ole’ Eustace above from the Chronicles of Narnia. Eustace became aware of his nasty scales and tried to scratch them off by himself. (me too) But, it didn’t work because they went SO DEEP. (me too) The only one who could get them off was Aslan. (The King) Removing the scales hurt SO BAD when The King scratched them off. It was PAINFUL. But, it was his ONLY hope at experiencing LIFE, and Aslan was a good king. He wouldn’t let him stay in his mess. He wanted more for him.

Why do we remember Good Friday? Because DEATH to sin has to come before abundant LIFE.

Jesus, the holy one, the perfect King, died as a payment to God the Father for MY sin. (The sin that goes so much deeper than “losing my cool”…The sin that I CANNOT scratch off for myself because there is always more underneath.) He died in MY place. (“The wages of sin is DEATH”.) –Romans 6:23

My good King is peeling off my scales one at a time through parenting my kids. And boy, it is painful and disgusting. It’s embarrassing to admit and see all my sin on display. But it leads to LIFE. Death to sin must happen before LIFE to the full. And it’s a process.

The rest of the verse is why we celebrate Easter…

“but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” –the rest of Romans 6:23

Death is not the end. Jesus offers new life to those who would confess their sin and trust him as their only rescue. The moment we receive his grace and put our faith in him, he doesn’t look on us and see our sin, he sees his perfect son who is now our righteousness. He also promises to continue to clean the INSIDE of us by scratching the scales off one at a time.

Good Friday has to come before Easter-Death before life. God has a way of mixing things up like that.