Easter can not come soon enough.

I know this blog normally is about our adoption process but this is on my heart and wanted to share it. My prayer is that it would bring you the same HOPE that it brought me. This week has been really hard. I feel like everything around me makes me want to cry. I couldn't put my finger on one thing..it really feels like everything. My heart hurts and I am surprised (and my husband is probably too) that I still have tears in my tear ducts. As I look around at the world you and I live in- it's full of sadness, full of sin, full of rebellion and hatred..and then I take a look inside me and see my own sadness, my own sin, my own rebellion and hatred..constantly putting myself first, wanting what I want and not what God wants, wanting to be the center of attention instead of Him, wanting what's best for me instead of my neighbor. I fall short again and again- I miss the mark of His perfect standard again and again. It feels hopeless.

Then you remind me... My God is not dead. He is ALIVE. You died for this sin and hopelessness. I have a new name. I am your child. All by the blood of the perfect lamb-JESUS. I don't have to stay in this terrible place-you bring HOPE. Hope of new life-life to the full, a life of joy and meaning found only in you. You have taken my sin and exchanged it for righteousness. I am no longer a slave. I'm your daughter.

With this being true, I CANNOT wait for Easter morning.

All in

I thought it was time for an update on this blog since it's been..well...6 months.. I'm kinda embarrassed to admit that and to admit my reasons for it being so long since I last sat down to write about what's going on. The honest answer is, I have tried to make this process as easy as possible on myself by trying to forget how long the wait is going to be, continue to live my life not thinking about the adoption, and hope that one day when it gets closer to time for our children to come home, I can start thinking about it again. That would be the most comfortable thing to do, right? The only problem is, Jesus is enough. In hard times..in uncertain times..Jesus is enough. God did not call Paul and I on this crazy adoption journey that could quite possibly take close to 3 years for no reason, and he didn't JUST call us on this journey to bring home orphans as our own children. He called us on this journey for HIS glory and to use it to make us more like himself. So, here I am..struggling with trusting the Lord that he is going to take care of me when I lay my whole heart out on the line and choose to be very present in this adoption journey. What does that look like? I think it looks like in my prayers, not just throwing up a "be with our children in Ethiopia" prayer every night, but instead pleading with the Lord for them, their health, their birth family, their knowledge and understanding of their need for a savior, Jesus. This has been too hard for me up to this point because it is hard to pray like they really exist (or will exist soon) and know that I won't be seeing them, touching them, hugging them, for a good 2-3 years. That is incredibly heart-breaking. So, this is where I am asking God for the grace to remind me that Jesus is enough. When I am crying tears of frustration and sadness or trying to convince Paul to change adoption countries because it would be a quicker process, I have to learn to trust the Lord..to trust that He really is enough and that he's after something MUCH bigger than my comfort and making things easy. He is constantly drawing me to himself and making me more like him until the day I come face to face with Jesus, my savior.

"Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst"......"For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day." John 6:35, 6:40

Lord Jesus, remind me that you are enough. You alone satisfy. 

The Dossier is complete!

We have finally finished all of the papers!!!!! As of a week ago, we have completed all of the paperwork for the Dossier. Paul and I went to the post office last Monday (after I got angry that we could not go the VERY day we finished-the Saturday before..). Why did I get angry? I'm pretty sure it is because I love to be in control. The quicker I could get the paperwork to the post office, the quicker we would have our children..right? God still has a lot of work to do on me. He will continue to make me more like Him for His glory and will use times like these to do so.  As we took the stack of paperwork (and my life the past 8 months) to the post office, I felt anxious. Paul prayed for it that it would arrive safely in Virginia (to our adoption agency) and that God would give us the grace to trust Him. It's kinda crazy that we literally have no control over what happens from here. Our side of the adoption process is complete. We are simply waiting for God to show us our children. So, the agency will send our paperwork to Ethiopia this Friday (the 15th) and the wait begins! The money is all in place up until we receive the referral for our children. Who knew we would have $7,700 to send with the Dossier? Where did that money come from!?! The shirts have all sold, friends are supporting us continuously, the Lord is moving hearts to give generously....it's so amazing. Praise God!

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter weekend!!! This weekend I'm just trying to focus on God's faithfulness. He is the only truth. He is the only thing I can put my trust in. I really struggle in doubting His goodness and find myself constantly trying to "make things happen" for myself. It seems that most of my life I have been able to work hard and achieve what I want to achieve. Recently I have found that there are a lot of things in my life that I really have no control over and really don't have the answers to.  I know God has me here to strip me of my self-reliance.  I'm not in control and I don't know what's best. For example and to be completely honest, I have been like a ship tossing in the ocean over the fact that we are adopting from Ethiopia with all of the slowdowns and uncertainties in this program.  When I hear of families switching programs because of the extreme slowdown in the Ethiopia program, my desire is to join them and switch countries to avoid the wait and uncertainty. Thankfully, my husband has continued to remind me of God's specific call to adopt from Ethiopia. I know he wants us there. I'm just scared to be honest. I'm scared that in 2 years we will still have no idea when our children will be home. While adoption is moving quickly in these new countries and orphans are joining their forever families, I can so easily talk myself out of the fact that God wants Paul and I to stay in the Ethiopia program. So here I am, praying for God to give me the grace to trust Him. I know He's good. Thank you Lord for a husband who is unwavering in you and reminds me of what you desire from me..trust in you.

On a different note, I never posted that the dollar offering ended up being around $950!! AND two of our best friends (Kelly and Andy Huddleston) have offered to support our adoption by donating 10% of sales from their "Kohlston Designs Home Show" to bringing our children home. To check out their awesome hand-made picture frames you can go here:

www.kohlstondesigns.com

The show is this Thurs. April 12 from 1-7 PM 
at 7505 Lawford Road Knoville, TN 37919
Come by and check it out. We'd love to see ya!


Currently in the process, we are waiting to receive our approval from USCIS and our fingerprinting date.  We have to get fingerprinted in Atlanta and then everything on this side of the adoption process is complete...which means we will just be waiting on Ethiopia to clear the paperwork and send us a referral for our children. We could use a lot of prayer during that time. =)


Happy Easter! Praise God for his faithfulness!

"We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin." Romans 6:6
 

February updates

So much exciting news to share!!  This past Saturday, Paul and I met with our social worker for the last time which completes our Home-study visits! She said it will take about a week to write up our Home-study and send it to us.  After that, we can send our paperwork into USCIS and get fingerprinted. Next step....sending our Dossier to Ethiopia!! We're so close =) Also, Dr. Russell (the pastor from our church growing up) interviewed us at church and showed a part of our video.  He challenged the church body to support us in this call on our hearts.  The church responded..REALLY responded.  We sold over 50 shirts (which raised around $1,100) and they took up a dollar offering for us. He haven't heard how much the offering was yet, but we will this week.  God is good.  God is going to literally carry us through this process. Now my prayer is that we don't wish away this time of waiting.  God wants us to serve him and love him now.  Even though I wish we could hurry this waiting up and bring the children home, I do not want to miss the NOW. Love you friends!

A life worth living

As a part of our adoption, Paul and I are required to do on-line training and read certain books that go into detail about possible medical/social/emotional issues that adopted children may come with.  As I read about all these issues that children who have been in orphanages sometimes face, I have found myself worrying alot. "What will they be like? Will they be healthy? Will they be unable to love because they have been through so much and can't trust anyone?" I know this worrying is a result of unbelief in my heart.  I know God is whispering in his small voice, "trust me". This brings me to my point and what God is so graciously teaching me.  God has not called me to a life of ease and comfort.  God has not called me to the "American Dream".  God has called me to live for His glory.  Jesus tells us to love God first and our neighbor second.  Honestly, nothing in this life is supposed to be about me. Why is this soooo hard? Everything in me wants this life to be about me.  Everything in me wants a comfortable, easy life.  Thankfully, JESUS in me reminds me that the only life worth living consists of dying to myself and my desires and living for Christ.  Loving and following Christ is my only hope for a life worth living. This is where God wants Paul and me.  He never promised following Him would be easy. He did promise it would be worth it, and He will shower us with his grace even in the midst of our unbelief. 

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.  For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." Matthew 16:24-25

December Updates

As of 2 weeks ago, I am officially a licensed K-6 teacher and looking for a teaching job.  In the mean time, I will be taking full advantage of my free days by completing all of our paperwork to send to Ethiopia ASAP!  Since my last posting, we have continued to receive tremendous support, sell more t-shirts, and fill out more papers.  We also met with our social worker for the first time to begin our home study.  We will meet with her 3 more times and continue collecting documents to add to our dossier (what we actually send to Ethiopia) throughout the next couple of months.  Our goal is to have all of the paperwork finished and sent off by April.  It's crazy to think that our children may already be alive and waiting for us to bring them home.  The thought drives me to keep on when the paperwork becomes overwhelming.  Our friend Evan also created a video to capture God's calling in our hearts to adopt from Ethiopia.  He did a great job! We are so excited to share it with you.  Thank you friends and family for your TREMENDOUS support.