This post is probably not going to be what you are expecting. The Caroline a year ago would have a very different blog post about that verse in the title than the Caroline does sitting here right now. Let me explain. A year ago (or 5 years ago), I could have told you what Romans 8:28 said "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." I could tell you that God uses EVERYTHING including suffering to make us more like Jesus. I know this "head truth" very well. I often looked at others' suffering and thought about how they needed to know this truth. It was that easy. If you know this truth or believe this truth, then suffering makes sense and you should be ok because you should just "trust God."
I sit here writing this blog post with a very different understanding about that verse. Do I still believe that God uses everything, including suffering, for my good? Yes. However, I do not believe that simply believing this truth makes everything make sense or makes everything better. If I am honest, I didn't think much about God's heart in this verse. It was more just a truth that I easily accepted, because I had not been through any experiences to make me struggle with the implications of actually accepting it as a truth in my life.
Now after 3 years of waiting for our Ethiopian babe, year and a half of trying to have a biological child, and a miscarriage, this verse is not as easy to swallow. I cannot easily accept it. It brings me to a place of confusion, sadness, and seeking the Lord for answers. You see: "This is for your good" is a terrifying statement without an understanding of the one's heart who makes this promise. This is where the Lord has me….seeking to know my Father's heart behind this verse.
When you are hurting, the world tries to put a band-aid on you to make you feel better. The typical human response is to say something to the effect of "it will get better," "God has a plan," "Don't worry..you are so young. You have plenty of time." etc. I think the reason we respond this way is because we don't want to go to the hard places and struggle with the Lord. It's easier to offer up a word of encouragement and move on than to cry tears and place ourselves in someone's shoes who is suffering. The problem with this ignoring and avoiding pain is….it's a bandaid. While I know we have good intentions in trying to make people feel better in their suffering, it is not what we so desperately need. We need Jesus. We need to know and trust our Father's heart in the midst of suffering.
Here's what Jesus says. "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:3-4
Who are the poor in spirit? Those who know they bring nothing to the table but brokenness and desperate need. Those who know they cannot hold on to God, but need God to hold on to them. Those who have come to the end of themselves and know they are not "more Godly than" or "more religious than" but simply are broken and honest about how much they need a rescuer.
So why do we try to help people out of being "poor in spirit" and keep them from "mourning?" Because it's uncomfortable. Because it's painful. But, it's where we find Jesus.
I love how Brennan Manning says it in The Ragamuffin Gospel.
"Getting honest with ourselves does not make us unacceptable to God. It does not distance us from God, but draws us to Him-as nothing else can-and opens us anew to the flow of grace. While Jesus calls each of us to a more perfect life, we cannot achieve it on our own. To be alive is to be broken; to be broken is to stand in need of grace. It is only through grace that any of us could dare to hope that we could become more like Christ."(GRACE=God's unmerited favor toward us)
I have never in my life doubted God's goodness as much as I have the past year. I have never struggled to believe his promises as much as I have this past year. I have never cried as many tears as I have this past year. I have never struggled with God's faithfulness as I have this past year. I have never had to rely on the fact that my right standing before God is based on Jesus's perfect obedience and sacrifice in my place as much as I have this past year. I have never been so grateful that my walk with Christ is about Him holding onto me and not me holding on to Him as I have this past year. I have never been so thankful that God's story throughout the bible is all about His faithfulness, and not his children's faithfulness…how his children are saved because of God's choice, God's work, God's calling, God's faithfulness..not them getting everything right.
So, currently I am asking the Lord to teach me more of His heart.
I can't pretend to understand how this season is a picture of God's faithfulness completely..I feel sad, broken, and even hopeless at times. In all of this, Jesus calls me "blessed" because I am definitely poor in spirit. I don't feel blessed a lot, but each day I am learning to trust my Father's heart more and more. I am a ragamuffin desperately needing his grace and mercy. In this season, he has made this very apparent. He has also made it very apparent that he won't leave me. He will continue to be faithful, compassionate, and pursue me with His relentless love, even when I don't feel it.
From now on, when I hear of someone else's suffering, I will take the time to listen and cry with them instead of being quick to speak. That's what we need..permission to be broken and friends to remind us that God wants the real us, with our real pain, our real brokenness, because he is our rescuer and loves us with a never-ending never-giving-up kind of love. Not because we believe him perfectly, obey him perfectly, but because He chooses to love us no matter what.
I sit here writing this blog post with a very different understanding about that verse. Do I still believe that God uses everything, including suffering, for my good? Yes. However, I do not believe that simply believing this truth makes everything make sense or makes everything better. If I am honest, I didn't think much about God's heart in this verse. It was more just a truth that I easily accepted, because I had not been through any experiences to make me struggle with the implications of actually accepting it as a truth in my life.
Now after 3 years of waiting for our Ethiopian babe, year and a half of trying to have a biological child, and a miscarriage, this verse is not as easy to swallow. I cannot easily accept it. It brings me to a place of confusion, sadness, and seeking the Lord for answers. You see: "This is for your good" is a terrifying statement without an understanding of the one's heart who makes this promise. This is where the Lord has me….seeking to know my Father's heart behind this verse.
When you are hurting, the world tries to put a band-aid on you to make you feel better. The typical human response is to say something to the effect of "it will get better," "God has a plan," "Don't worry..you are so young. You have plenty of time." etc. I think the reason we respond this way is because we don't want to go to the hard places and struggle with the Lord. It's easier to offer up a word of encouragement and move on than to cry tears and place ourselves in someone's shoes who is suffering. The problem with this ignoring and avoiding pain is….it's a bandaid. While I know we have good intentions in trying to make people feel better in their suffering, it is not what we so desperately need. We need Jesus. We need to know and trust our Father's heart in the midst of suffering.
Here's what Jesus says. "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:3-4
Who are the poor in spirit? Those who know they bring nothing to the table but brokenness and desperate need. Those who know they cannot hold on to God, but need God to hold on to them. Those who have come to the end of themselves and know they are not "more Godly than" or "more religious than" but simply are broken and honest about how much they need a rescuer.
So why do we try to help people out of being "poor in spirit" and keep them from "mourning?" Because it's uncomfortable. Because it's painful. But, it's where we find Jesus.
I love how Brennan Manning says it in The Ragamuffin Gospel.
"Getting honest with ourselves does not make us unacceptable to God. It does not distance us from God, but draws us to Him-as nothing else can-and opens us anew to the flow of grace. While Jesus calls each of us to a more perfect life, we cannot achieve it on our own. To be alive is to be broken; to be broken is to stand in need of grace. It is only through grace that any of us could dare to hope that we could become more like Christ."(GRACE=God's unmerited favor toward us)
I have never in my life doubted God's goodness as much as I have the past year. I have never struggled to believe his promises as much as I have this past year. I have never cried as many tears as I have this past year. I have never struggled with God's faithfulness as I have this past year. I have never had to rely on the fact that my right standing before God is based on Jesus's perfect obedience and sacrifice in my place as much as I have this past year. I have never been so grateful that my walk with Christ is about Him holding onto me and not me holding on to Him as I have this past year. I have never been so thankful that God's story throughout the bible is all about His faithfulness, and not his children's faithfulness…how his children are saved because of God's choice, God's work, God's calling, God's faithfulness..not them getting everything right.
So, currently I am asking the Lord to teach me more of His heart.
I can't pretend to understand how this season is a picture of God's faithfulness completely..I feel sad, broken, and even hopeless at times. In all of this, Jesus calls me "blessed" because I am definitely poor in spirit. I don't feel blessed a lot, but each day I am learning to trust my Father's heart more and more. I am a ragamuffin desperately needing his grace and mercy. In this season, he has made this very apparent. He has also made it very apparent that he won't leave me. He will continue to be faithful, compassionate, and pursue me with His relentless love, even when I don't feel it.
From now on, when I hear of someone else's suffering, I will take the time to listen and cry with them instead of being quick to speak. That's what we need..permission to be broken and friends to remind us that God wants the real us, with our real pain, our real brokenness, because he is our rescuer and loves us with a never-ending never-giving-up kind of love. Not because we believe him perfectly, obey him perfectly, but because He chooses to love us no matter what.
