Last week I got the chance to have dinner with two friends that I have missed terribly. They encouraged me to keep writing, which I needed..I told them I felt like I didn't know if I should continue to blog because there was no end in sight with this adoption process, and I didn't want people to get tired of hearing me talk about it. As I thought about my reasoning, I realized that what I was saying is I know what people want..they want to hear that our children are on their way home and will be home in "x" amount of time. That seems like the best possible scenario and a happy ending that makes sense to us. More often than not that's what I want too. So since I can't say that and won't be able to say that for awhile, I felt like I didn't have anything to say. Well, thankfully God uses friends to encourage me towards Him and to focus on what He thinks, not what everyone around me thinks (or what I perceive people to think).
So here it goes :)
Recently I have been thinking a lot about who I am and how I was meant to live. For some reason, for my whole life I have clung on to WHATEVER I perceived to be around the corner for me (new jobs, new purchases, new relationships, our adoption) and literally focused all my attention on that THING. How tiring and small of an existence. I was meant to live a BIG life, full of meaning and purpose found only in Him. I so easily forget who God is and who He has made me to be. Recently, the Lord has whispered to me: "Be content. I will never forsake you. You are chosen and precious." (Hebrews 13:5, 1 Peter 2:4)
So why do I grab on to whatever I think might be around the corner for me in life? Because I haven't taken God at His word. I AM CHOSEN AND PRECIOUS and my life is meant to be a living sacrifice to Him. That's where freedom is found..living a life for my Creator. I was meant to live with Him and for Him.
"As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious, you yourselves like living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to OFFER SPIRITUAL SACRIFICES acceptable to God through Jesus Christ." 1 Peter 2:4-5
How amazing that God's word says that we can offer spiritual sacrifices to Him...All things can be done to God's pleasure and glory because of Jesus!!
So, where does this leave me in the adoption process? With hope. For awhile my hope was in the fact that we would get to bring our child(ren) home in 16ish months..which changed to 20ish months,which changed to 30ish months...which changed to..well, who knows and you get the picture.
You can imagine what sort of basket case I was inside (and still fight against). There is literally no end in sight. A couple weeks ago, U.S. immigrations and Ethiopia put in another safeguard in the adoption process that will slow down Ethiopia adoptions even more. (right now we've been told 30 months..that's without the extra safeguard) So no one knows how much this new piece of required paperwork will slow down adoptions..We've heard some estimates of 6 additional months. But we all know what 6 months turns into. :)
So in the midst of this, hope might sound crazy to you. Because I promise there is no hope in this crazy international unknown process. That's where the good news comes in. God has changed me. Over the past 2 years since we set out on this journey, God has walked with me and literally carried me through this. He has promised to never leave me. He has promised to use it ALL for my good. There is NOTHING in life I want more than to be more like Jesus. It is the cry of my heart. I want to know my LORD more and more and more, and I want to be molded into Jesus more and more. Luckily, that is a promise that God has given me. He WILL show me more and more of himself and make me more and more like Jesus. This is where my hope is.
If the purpose of my life is to know my God and be made more like Him until I meet Him face to face, then bring on the wait. Bring on whatever is necessary for that to happen in my heart. Are there moments when I just want my babies home? YES! But it's not where my hope is. My hope is in Him and His promises. My life's purpose is NOT to adopt. My life's purpose is to know my God and live for Him. Is adoption pleasing to him? YES, but worrying and making adoption my purpose instead of Him, is not pleasing to Him. So, here I stand in this constant battle. I am ready to be a mommy to our unknown children that are soo real in my heart. I am ready to bring them home and show them what family means. I AM READY. But, I am also bowing my knee to the one who knows what I NEED and what is NECESSARY in my life right now. I can trust Him because He is God and He is good.
PS thanks for all the help with the yard sale! We made $1,500! We are getting closer! Since we don't know if we are adopting 1 or 2 children, we aren't sure how much more money we need. So far, we have about $14,000 saved up and expect to need about $24,000. So, we we are wanting to save another $10,000 to be ready for that referral! :) We appreciate your generosity so much.
So here it goes :)
Recently I have been thinking a lot about who I am and how I was meant to live. For some reason, for my whole life I have clung on to WHATEVER I perceived to be around the corner for me (new jobs, new purchases, new relationships, our adoption) and literally focused all my attention on that THING. How tiring and small of an existence. I was meant to live a BIG life, full of meaning and purpose found only in Him. I so easily forget who God is and who He has made me to be. Recently, the Lord has whispered to me: "Be content. I will never forsake you. You are chosen and precious." (Hebrews 13:5, 1 Peter 2:4)
So why do I grab on to whatever I think might be around the corner for me in life? Because I haven't taken God at His word. I AM CHOSEN AND PRECIOUS and my life is meant to be a living sacrifice to Him. That's where freedom is found..living a life for my Creator. I was meant to live with Him and for Him.
"As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious, you yourselves like living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to OFFER SPIRITUAL SACRIFICES acceptable to God through Jesus Christ." 1 Peter 2:4-5
How amazing that God's word says that we can offer spiritual sacrifices to Him...All things can be done to God's pleasure and glory because of Jesus!!
So, where does this leave me in the adoption process? With hope. For awhile my hope was in the fact that we would get to bring our child(ren) home in 16ish months..which changed to 20ish months,which changed to 30ish months...which changed to..well, who knows and you get the picture.
You can imagine what sort of basket case I was inside (and still fight against). There is literally no end in sight. A couple weeks ago, U.S. immigrations and Ethiopia put in another safeguard in the adoption process that will slow down Ethiopia adoptions even more. (right now we've been told 30 months..that's without the extra safeguard) So no one knows how much this new piece of required paperwork will slow down adoptions..We've heard some estimates of 6 additional months. But we all know what 6 months turns into. :)
So in the midst of this, hope might sound crazy to you. Because I promise there is no hope in this crazy international unknown process. That's where the good news comes in. God has changed me. Over the past 2 years since we set out on this journey, God has walked with me and literally carried me through this. He has promised to never leave me. He has promised to use it ALL for my good. There is NOTHING in life I want more than to be more like Jesus. It is the cry of my heart. I want to know my LORD more and more and more, and I want to be molded into Jesus more and more. Luckily, that is a promise that God has given me. He WILL show me more and more of himself and make me more and more like Jesus. This is where my hope is.
If the purpose of my life is to know my God and be made more like Him until I meet Him face to face, then bring on the wait. Bring on whatever is necessary for that to happen in my heart. Are there moments when I just want my babies home? YES! But it's not where my hope is. My hope is in Him and His promises. My life's purpose is NOT to adopt. My life's purpose is to know my God and live for Him. Is adoption pleasing to him? YES, but worrying and making adoption my purpose instead of Him, is not pleasing to Him. So, here I stand in this constant battle. I am ready to be a mommy to our unknown children that are soo real in my heart. I am ready to bring them home and show them what family means. I AM READY. But, I am also bowing my knee to the one who knows what I NEED and what is NECESSARY in my life right now. I can trust Him because He is God and He is good.
PS thanks for all the help with the yard sale! We made $1,500! We are getting closer! Since we don't know if we are adopting 1 or 2 children, we aren't sure how much more money we need. So far, we have about $14,000 saved up and expect to need about $24,000. So, we we are wanting to save another $10,000 to be ready for that referral! :) We appreciate your generosity so much.
